


Lanterns Lit

by aurumdalseni (kyo_chan)



Series: There Will Be Better Days [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 16:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15077240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyo_chan/pseuds/aurumdalseni
Summary: Pidge doesn't know what to expect when Lance offers to help her on a supply run. Lance? Working? But she quickly realizes that he's trying to get away from everything, including himself.





	Lanterns Lit

**Author's Note:**

> Part two is finally done! I hope you like it! I appreciate the support this series has gotten, and I'm so happy to hear it's been cathartic -- I feel it's been sorely needed after S6. Thank you so much!

“I’ve sent over all the coordinates I have for safe passage on your way to Earth. You’ll go through some Galra-occupied territory, so watch your back. There’s no telling if Sendak’s entourage has sent a parade through or not yet. I’ll talk to leadership about trying to clear the path for you.”

“Thanks, Matt,” Pidge says quietly. Her fingers move over the touchpad on one of her screens, pulling the data download into the Green Lion. 

“Is it really gone?” he asks.

Her stomach flips. “The castle? Yeah, it’s gone. But we got three ships and a half-dead psychotic emperor out of the deal, so it balances out, right?” That comes out more bitter than she meant it to. “I mean, at least we’re all alive, so that’s something. I’ll call you back after we make it to our first stop.”

Everything is quiet. Quiet isn’t exactly great. She’s already thinking too much as it is.

“Hey, Pidge, you okay?”

Pidge looks up from her hands, surprised to see Matt’s face still up on the comm screen. She thought they’d disconnected already. She wonders how much time has gone by in silence while he watched her fidget. Matt’s got all the brotherly concern in the universe written all over his face, and he looks at her like he’s trying to see past their vast distance, past her face on the comm screen and right into her brain. She untucks her knees from her chest and stretches. 

“Yeah, it’s just been a long everything, Matt. I’m looking forward to sleeping in for whole week when we get to Earth, that’s for sure.” There are some things she hasn’t told him about the fight with Lotor and after. Those conversations aren’t meant to be had over a communications link with galaxies separating them. It’s too far away for her to demand a hug from him after. She’s going to hold it together until it’s safe, and that’s all there is to it. “Thanks for the intel.” A pause, then a hasty, “Love you, assMatt.”

Matt smiles at her, and it’s like he already knows she’s broken. “Love you too, nerd bird.”

/

Allura hasn’t left the Blue Lion since her return with the Sincline ships, and they’ve been on that planet for over a day. Keith assures them she’ll be ready to go soon, and until then they just need to hang tight. Easier said than done.

Pidge scrubs at her eyes with one hand while she uses the other to pull up a map. “There’s a trade moon about a varga from here that’s neutral territory after the liberation in this section of the galaxy. If there are any supplies you need, tell me now. I’m going to make a run there.”

“I took a couple of week’s worth of goo stuff from the castle before we left,” Hunk replies, “but if you come across anything you think I can cook, grab it. There’s no telling how long we’ll go before we’re able to make the next stop.”

“Noted. Anyone else?”

Coran rambles off a list of tools and supplies that Pidge records, because she’s never going to remember some of those names on her own, much less what they actually are. She stifles a yawn as the stats roll across her screen. These should keep her busy for a while.

“You want help?”

Pidge blinks, looking up at Lance, who is suddenly much closer to her than she remembers him being a minute ago. She can’t read the expression on his face, and she’s too tired for any of his games. “What’s the catch?”

The slight crease in his brow becomes a tight knot as he narrows his eyes. “Whaddya mean, what’s the catch?” 

“Nothing,” Pidge replies. “C’mon, let’s go then.”

/

“So what’s up with you, Lance? You never offer to do actual work.”

“That’s not true!” Lance protests, crossing his arms. He’s slumped down near the exit doors to the Green Lion’s cockpit. “I work all the time! Being a Paladin is kind of a full-time job, you know.”

“Really? I had no idea. Thought it was all starshine and rainbow cats.” Her voice is completely flat, but she’s been keeping her eye on Lance since they left everyone else behind on that planet. No smiles, no jokes, no crazy comments. She had thought, at one point, of asking him if he’d been taking brooding lessons from Keith, but decided that wouldn’t go over very well. 

He glowers at her, not even the slightest crack in his surly expression. She leaves it alone and guides the Green Lion to touch down on the trade moon from Matt’s earlier transmission. She decides to leave Green what she considers a safe distance away. 

“We’ll take the speeder into town. There should be enough room for both of us.” 

Pidge waits for the inevitable teasing about her size, but when she gets nothing but silence, she turns in her seat. Green rumbles around her as she powers down and prepares to put up her particle barrier.

“Lance.”

“I heard you. We’re taking the speeder, I’m not deaf.”

“No, but you’re kind of being a jerk, so before I go out in public with your cranky ass, you wanna get it off your chest?”

Something not-nice flashes in his eyes, and is that…a snarl? It’s gone by the time she blinks, and she wonders if she imagined it. He pushes up to his feet, turning his back to her. “Let’s just go.”

“Lance—”

His fist slams against the door. “I don’t want to talk about it, Pidge!”

Pidge flinches, feeling trapped in her own pilot seat, the cockpit suddenly feeling a lot smaller than it actually is. She’s seen Lance upset before; they’d all had their moments since this war started, but this kind of anger is different. It swings dangerously far from his usual demeanor, and while she’s not actually scared of him, she’s scared for him. Green can feel her hesitation, and she holds Lance inside until Pidge actually chooses whether she’s going to press or let it go. Heart hammering in her chest, she gets up from her seat, the shopping list forgotten.

“I think you should anyway,” she says, hoping she sounds more sure of that than she is. Everything feels so double-edged and tense; she barely recognizes herself, much less anyone else. She squashes the tiny voice that tries to suggest it’s an outcome of being in the rift. All that does is make her think of how Lotor sounded in those last moments before they left him. And how he’s now in their midst again. She swallows. “Please, Lance.” The last slips out without her permission.

The plea hangs between them. Lance’s fist is still clenched like he wants to hit things a little more and Pidge’s throat is tight. She considers giving in, buttoning up her commentary and letting him stay wherever his head is. Leaving him like this feels cruel, but she’s never seen him like this before. She’s not really sure what will happen if she pushes it any further. So maybe it’s better to—

Lance’s shoulders fall, and just like that, he melts against the door, his forehead pressed up against the metal. He starts breathing heavy, pursing his lips to drag in more air. He squeezes his eyes shut; every time Pidge thinks he might have himself under control, his breathing stutters again.

“I don’t…know what to do, Pidge.” 

There are so many fractures in each word she feels like she’s listening to glass under pressure. Maybe the analogy isn’t as far off as she wants to think. “Do about what, Lance?” she asks gently.

“Why would she go back for him?” he demands. And of course it’s rhetorical; no one but Keith has been able to talk to Allura since they pitched camp for the night. None of them actually know why. “It was dangerous, risky! We could have lost her, and for what? He’s a manipulating, double-crossing,  _ bastard  _ who doesn’t deserve to be saved, especially by her!”

Pidge holds very still, the air in the Green Lion’s cockpit astoundingly cold. She wonders if that’s her imagination. Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out.

Lance continues anyway. “A-and then I think…I think…”  _ Slam! _ His fist comes down against the door again, and Pidge jumps. “I think what the hell right do I have deciding who gets to live or die? It’s not very  _ Paladin-like _ of me, but then again Galra who’ve been on the wrong side of Voltron and the Lions have already died out of a sense of justice, haven’t they? She made me feel good about who I am out here, she made me feel like I had a purpose and I could be useful. She let me help her, she leaned on me, and I thought, what if I was finally doing it right? And then she goes back into the crazy quintessence void and saves someone who hurt her so badly. Everything I’m thinking, everything I’m doing…I just don’t know anymore.” He seems to run out of steam, quieter now. “I-if this is the me that comes out of this war, I don’t want to do it anymore. I just don’t.”

All it takes is a few blinks, Pidge furiously trying to get the sting out of her eyes, and Lance is down on the floor, curled up and hugging himself. Pidge dares to move forward, to crouch next to him. “I don’t really know what to say, Lance,” she tells him honestly. She hopes she’s doing the right thing by sliding an arm around his shoulders. It seems like something Hunk would do, and right now, she’d do almost anything to have Hunk here. He could make them complete, he always felt like their rock. 

“But Allura going back to the rift isn’t a reflection of what you mean to her or what she means to you. She and Lotor had something. Whatever it was, it was there, and Lotor messed it up good. He used us, he used her, and he did some really shitty things, but to leave him out there? It didn’t sit right with me either. In fact…” Pidge rests her cheek against Lance’s shoulder, and she can hear him still breathing heavy, swallowing back tears — or screams, either is possible. “Back when we were on Arus, I… I let someone die, and I haven’t forgotten. I can’t forget. Sometimes I still remember exactly what he sounded like when he fell down the the turbine shaft. That was on me. I fought him, and if I hadn’t killed him, he would have killed me. But that doesn’t make it any easier. I guess…I guess that’s what war is. A series of choices you never want to make for the reasons you think are right, and sometimes they’ll never stop feeling wrong. We don’t want Lotor here, but I’ll bet we’ve all thought about how we could have tried to save him. I think it was something she needed to do.” Pidge sighs, and smirks bitterly in spite of herself. “Besides, do you really think any of us could have stopped her?” 

“I want to be there for her,” Lance murmurs. “It’s gotta be killing her to go through this. But I’m not thinking straight and she needs someone better than—”

“She needs a friend, Lance,” Pidge tells him sternly, and both of her arms gather him up to hold him tight. Her grip is awkward, but she won’t let him go for anything. “And I can’t think of a better friend than you.”

Lance snorts derisively. “Were you listening to me just now? None of that makes me a good friend, Pidge.”

“Sure it does. Pretending everything’s okay isn’t good for you. And it’s probably not what she needs either.” We’ve been through a lot, and everyone is hurting. Maybe it’ll be good for her to see that you’re still gonna be at her side, even when you’re not okay. It gives her the room to not be okay around you too, and you can just…be there for each other. And y’know, I’m… I’m here for you too, Lance. All that team-building wasn’t for nothing, y’know.” 

“Pidge…” 

Lance turns his head slowly to look at her, really look at her. There’s an ache in the lines of his face, behind the exhaustion in his eyes. It’s painful, but Pidge doesn’t look away. It looks like Lance wants to say more but instead he sags in Pidge’s arms, and she almost topples from the weight of him. She tucks her face into his neck. 

“I love her, y’know,” he admits in a whisper, shaking in Pidge’s arms. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not. It’s okay to love her, Lance. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. About Allura, about Lotor, everything that’s happened. It’s okay.” 

When Lance’s shoulders start to shake, Pidge holds her ground, holds him close. She can’t see his face, tucked somewhere against one shoulder now, and she’s pretty sure that’s intentional. Every wet sound that makes it out of his mouth feels like it’s cutting into her. At first, she stoically tries to keep her own tears at bay, then remembers what she told him. She’s tired too. She can’t stop thinking and she wants to go home as much as she’s scared to go home. A day ago, home had felt like the Castle of Lions, and she’d taken that for granted. Pidge pushes her face into Lance’s hair and she can’t hold back anymore. Her sobs come quick and jarring and she doesn’t even care that she’s a loud, messy crier. Lance finally grabs onto her too and they cling tightly to one another, made of tears and hiccups and mournful sounds. Pidge hangs on for dear life, and they cry until they can’t anymore. 

/

“We were beginning to think you’d gotten lost!” Coran’s voice greets Pidge when the Green Lion breaks atmosphere. 

Pidge glances down at where Lance’s head rests against her thigh. He’d barely stirred when the comm link went active, and she spares a hand to touch his hair before taking the controls again. “We took the scenic route. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, but my brother’s pretty terrible with directions.”

She lands Green with the other Lions and powers everything down. 

“Lance, c’mon, sleeping beauty. Time to go.” 

“Mmmff,” is the intelligent reply, but Lance sits up and yawns, stretching. He turns a sleepy smile up at her before he gets up. It’s nowhere near the kind of smiles she’s used to seeing, and his eyes are still red, but it’s a definite improvement. 

They gather up the supplies in the Green Lion’s hold and exit. The daylight is starting to wane by the time they get everything separated out and Hunk scurries off to build a fire and make them a meal. Pidge slips off to wash her face in one of the little pools of water near camp. She hopes no one had noticed how splotchy her cheeks were or that her eyes were just as swollen as Lance’s. There might be a chance she can just wash away the lingering fear and sadness from earlier. Not necessarily to hide it from the others, but more so that she can focus on something else. And, what she would give for a good night’s sleep. 

As she makes her way back to the others, she catches sight of silvery white out of the corner of her eye. Allura stands near one of the Blue Lion’s back paws, her eyes on the rest of the group huddled close to the fire. If Pidge didn’t know any better, she would swear Allura was trying her best to keep her distance. The look of longing on her face reminds Pidge of her face in the mirror through most of middle school. Wanting to be with friends, but feeling separated from them. Pidge took a few steps off her course, intending to take care of that problem right then and there, but she stops short when she sees Lance break off and approach Allura. Pidge holds very still, holds her breath, knowing she should turn away and give them privacy. But she feels fiercely protective of Lance in this moment, and wants to make sure that if something doesn’t go right, she’s ready to be there for him. 

Lance is the first to speak. Allura flinches, and Pidge’s heart sinks when Lance frowns. She expects him to force a smile, but he doesn’t. Instead, he carefully reaches for Allura’s hand and only smiles when she doesn’t try to avoid it. Another step closer, closing the distance, mending the gap. Pidge breathes out slowly, breathes in and holds it again. She wishes she could hear them, but all she catches are random fragments of their tone; they’re both hurting so much. Finally, Allura moves closer, and then she pushes herself against Lance’s chest, bending a little so she can tuck her head under his chin. His mouth opens in a startled ‘o’, before he enfolds her in his arms and nuzzles into her hair. 

Pidge smiles in spite of herself and finally tears her eyes away, making her way back to the fire. Hunk immediately enlists her help in putting the finishing touches on the meal, ever the demanding chef. Pidge doesn’t mind, and busies herself with the task. But she can’t get the image of Lance holding Allura out of her mind. She remembers how it felt to be held back in the Green Lion only hours ago, how it hadn’t mattered that they were both upset, just that they were both certain neither of them would let go until it was over. There are still so many storms for all of them to weather. Pidge doesn’t think this is the last time someone will come to the breaking point, but she has to trust that they’re all going to make it through this. And when one falls, someone will be there to reach out a hand. It’s the only way they’re going to survive the war. 

It’s the only way they’ll make it home. 

 


End file.
